if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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