Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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