Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
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