I CAN MOONWALK!
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
