Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
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