you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
