im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
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