i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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