help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
