I puked a lego.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
