This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
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Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
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i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
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