Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I just googled if crying burns calories
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
