Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
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