I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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