I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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