She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Randomize
