Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Randomize
