I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize