she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Randomize
