let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Randomize
