it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Randomize
