I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
