im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
