What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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