Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I believe in your delicious
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
