I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
