so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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