So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
The power of my boobs compel you
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Randomize
