I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Randomize
