God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Found your dick twin last night
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
We don't watch enough power rangers
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
