i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
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