I bet he comes in French.
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
be right there i have to get my cape
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize
