i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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