my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
