I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
