I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
