Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
