The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
