So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
