Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Randomize
