P.S. I can't hear my feet
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
