Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
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