We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
