im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Randomize
