why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
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