He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Randomize
