I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Redeem this text for a blowjob
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
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