he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
