feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
