I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
