She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Randomize
