I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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