she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
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