ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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