Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
