"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
that's an acceptable place to lick
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
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