The maid of honor just puked.
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Randomize
