he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
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