he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
