My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Randomize
