I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
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